NARCISSIST WILL LOSE THEIR MINDS IF YOU DO THESE TEN THINGS.

By: Khalif Barkhadle
Digital Journalist

Published On: 15th September 2024

Let’s face it, it’s not difficult for a narcissist to lose their mind. The reason for this is that their threshold for frustration tolerance and their ability to regulate stress, failure, rejection, or disappointment is very low. And let’s not forget that narcissists are deeply insecure people, whose grandiose self-presentation doesn’t match the reality of their qualities, abilities, and achievements. Even a small reminder of this can cause them to experience something known as “narcissistic injury,” which can lead them to spiral out of control, often targeting the person who reminded them of their deficits or tried to hold them accountable for their actions.

We would never advocate provoking narcissists or intentionally hurting them, but you should be aware of the things that reveal their true nature.

Number 1: Taking Responsibility

Requiring them to take responsibility for their actions.
People with narcissistic personality styles are notorious for avoiding responsibility for their behaviour at all costs, especially when that behaviour highlights their incompetence or dysfunction. This avoidance is rooted in their low self-esteem and fragile egos, which they try to overcompensate with grandiosity and entitled behaviour.
If they admit they were wrong, they would also have to admit they are ordinary people who make mistakes—a stance that conflicts with their desire to maintain an image of superiority over others. This constant avoidance drains their fragile egos, leading them to use maladaptive defence mechanisms such as denial, rationalization, blame-shifting, deflection, and scapegoating others.

Number 2: Denying Instant Gratification

In a paper published by psychologists Simin Vazire and David C. Funder in Personality and Social Psychology Review, they argue—based on an extensive meta-analysis of the literature on narcissism—that one key trait of narcissistic personalities is impulsivity.
Narcissists almost always prioritize immediate gratification, especially in areas that serve their ego-enhancement strategies, such as social status, recognition, and short-term positive emotions, over long-term goals. What will make a narcissist angry is denying them instant pleasure in these domains, which they believe they deserve by default.

Number 3: Calling Them Out

Calling them out on their inappropriate behaviour.
Narcissists hate criticism, especially when it’s merited and deserved because it evokes one of the hardest emotions for them to process: shame. According to Dr Ramani Durvasula, calling a narcissist out on their behaviour, especially in front of others, fills them with shame, resulting in anger, blame-shifting, and tirades about how they are the victim.
Calling out their egocentric, entitled, or aggressive behaviour likely won’t change anything, especially if done in private, as narcissists are unlikely to listen to anything that threatens their egos.

Number 4: Pinging Their Insecurity

It’s well-established that the more grandiose a narcissist’s defences are, the more insecure they are underneath.
They may be insecure about their looks, intelligence, status, money, or popularity—qualities judged by superficial standards.
Since narcissists are fixated on these, they can easily spiral into shame-based rage if someone points out that they, like everyone else, have deficits in these areas. While benign narcissists may be superficial, more malignant ones can be psychologically or physically dangerous, so provoking them is ill-advised.

Number 5: Not Arguing with Them

Narcissists are antagonistic by nature and thrive on conflict. Unlike most people, who seek agreeable, harmonious relationships, narcissists actively pursue chaos to gain narcissistic supply.
They may enjoy admiration and compliments but, if bored, they will provoke negative attention through arguments. If you deny them this by not engaging, they might lose control.
This doesn’t apply to well-intentioned disagreements essential in healthy relationships—narcissists crave the attention that comes with conflict, not resolution.

Number 6: Implying They Need Professional Help

Simply implying that a narcissist may need professional help can result in rage, denial, and gaslighting.
They may accuse the person of trying to get rid of them or suggest that the other person is the one in need of help. Narcissists deny anything that implies they need psychiatric or psychological evaluation, and any mention of this will provoke their defences.

Number 7: Setting Firm Boundaries

One of the best ways to cope with narcissistic manipulation is to set firm boundaries. However, this will infuriate the narcissist.
They expect relationships to be one-way, where they enjoy freedom without responsibility, while the other person tolerates boundary violations. Narcissists objectify people and view them as disposable, so they react poorly to firm boundaries they cannot cross.

Number 8: Implying They May Lose Control in the Relationship

Narcissists dislike the idea of losing power in a relationship.
If they sense the other person is tired of their manipulation and ready to take action, they won’t be happy. They believe they must always set the rules or end the relationship, and they may double down on manipulation or offer false promises to maintain control.

Number 9: Leaving Them

Narcissistic people hate being left, not because they value their partner but because they lose control.
While healthy individuals grieve the loss of a person, narcissists hate losing their source of supply and control. Being broken up with evokes shame, which they avoid at all costs.

Number 10: Having Their Deficits Publicly Exposed

Narcissists’ primary goal is to protect their hypersensitive egos.
Public exposure to their deficits causes significant psychological distress and cognitive dissonance. Even small signs that suggest they aren’t as high-status as they believe can trigger extreme reactions. This constant fear of public humiliation impedes their ability to grow or learn from mistakes.
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