SEVEN WORDS THAT DESTROY A NARCISSIST .
BY: Khalif Barkhadle ,
Digital Journalist
Published On: 9th September 2024
In today's topic, we're delving into a powerful topic that revolves around dealing with narcissists – "Words That Destroy A Narcissist." Now, we all know that communicating with a narcissist can be a tricky business, and choosing our words carefully becomes essential. So, buckle up as we explore the impact of specific phrases and expressions on these individuals and learn effective alternatives to navigate through situations where we need to engage with them.
You know that old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” right? We all know that isn’t true; certain words really can hurt us. And we all know that narcissists have some pretty unrealistic standards, one of which basically asks us to actively censor ourselves when we speak to them so as to avoid triggering their fragile egos and sending them into a spiraling narcissistic world – basically a meltdown.
There are certain words and phrases that you can say to a narcissist that will positively destroy them. At least on an emotional level.
While it might be tempting to use this information to hurt the narcissist, that isn’t why I’m sharing it with you today. In fact, while we all know that the ideal answer to dealing with a narcissist would always be to just go no contact, we also all know there are certain situations where we need to continue to deal with them for one reason or another. Maybe we’re stuck because we don’t have the money to go, or maybe we have business we need to accomplish with them, or we’re raising kids together. In any case, if you’re dealing with a narcissist, then you have to know that you have to tread really carefully. This means that you’re going to avoid using certain words around them because if you use these words, they will destroy the narcissist.
And as tempting as it’s going to be to do that because, let’s be honest, they totally had it coming. The consequences of facing the narcissistic rage can be far from pretty. If you relate, stick with me because that’s exactly what we’re talking about today- words that destroy a narcissist, what you can say or do instead of using them. And if you read until the very end, I will fill you in on the number one word that you can never say to a narcissist without completely destroying them. So let’s get started
1: “I know the truth about you” or “I see right through you.”
That’s right, narcissists can not stand to have their masks unceremoniously removed and their true selves called out. So, if the narcissist claims to be something that you know for sure they are not, it might really bother them to hear you say that you see through them. For example, if the narcissist is always talking about how they’re a genius, well, you might end up pointing out that you saw a copy of their IQ test and the result was average at best. Or if they claimed to have won some big beauty pageant 20 years ago, but you know they were totally the third runner-up, pointing this out is only going to upset them. If you want to avoid drama with a narcissist in this case, you’re going to have to keep pretending that you believe they’re the false self they pretend to be.
2. “I don’t remember that…”
Narcissists have a way of expecting their sources of narcissistic supply to just go along with their lies, no matter what. So if you’re with a group of friends and they tell a completely made-up story, you better go along with it or you’ll hurt their feelings, eliciting narcissistic injury at the very least and probably risking dealing with their rage later. So, for example, one friend told me a story about how her narcissistic father would always tell a made-up or at least heavily altered story that featured him as the hero in various situations. And she knew instinctively to go along with them or else
But one day, she’d finally had enough. So when he told yet another tall tale at a family gathering, he turned to her and said, “Remember that?” And she said, “No, actually, I don’t remember that happening that way at all.” She said he gave her the “you’re dead to me” look at that moment. And of course, when they got home, all heck broke loose and she got in big trouble. To avoid the drama here, you’re going to have to pretend that you do remember whatever story it is that they’re telling, even if it makes you look bad. It's totally not worth it, in my opinion.
3:. “I’m busy, and I don’t have time for you right now.”
Narcissists, especially those of the more overt nature, will need every moment of your time, or at the very least, they will expect you to drop whatever you’re doing when they want or need your attention at any given moment. Their inflated sense of entitlement and a lack of actual self makes it impossible for them to spend any time alone. They really can’t stand the idea of having to fend for themselves, and they might have to face themselves if you leave them alone for too long. So no matter if you’re at work or you’re taking care of your kid or doing anything else at all, they’re going to want your attention in the very second they ask for it. If you don’t dole it out as requested, they’re going to crumble into a big old pile of
As always, when that doesn’t work, the rage will soon follow. Why? Well, because they feel like they’re not important to you if you don’t drop everything the moment they want you to. So to avoid drama here, you can try saying something like, “I’ll be right there,” or “We can talk at this time instead.” But even that won’t be good enough for most of them. Many narcissists are even going to go so far as to sabotage your job and push away all of your friends in order to monopolize your time.
4. “You’re a failure,” or “I’m so disappointed in you.”
Telling a narcissist that they’re a failure or that you’re disappointed in them in any way sort of tugs at that false self, the mask they hide behind for most people. Even if they already know that you know who they are, acknowledging they’re anything less than perfect is only going to enrage and offend them.
Side note: even if someone else shares this kind of sentiment with them, they’re likely to take out their negative feelings on you as a sort of emotional garbage dump. For example, if their boss at work gives them a bad review or points out a mistake, they might come home and ruin your night as a result of it. To avoid drama, in this case, you would need to take their side in every situation and agree that it isn’t their fault somehow, which brings me to number five.
5. “It’s your fault.”
You probably.
already know that narcissists refuse to take responsibility for their behaviour, at least when it comes to anything that makes them feel like they look bad. They will blame everyone but themselves for all of their failures and screw-ups. On top of that, they’re going to expect you to go along with their delusion. So, using the example from number four, if you don’t agree that the boss is at fault for the bad review or mistake they pointed out, the narcissist will have another reason to go after you. Oh, and this will even be the case if you are the person being blamed. If you don’t agree that it’s your fault, they’re gonna make you pay. To avoid drama or at least minimize it, you would need to agree that someone else is responsible, even if that means you have to admit to something you didn’t do. Again, it's not worth it.
6:. “I don’t believe you.”
You know that narcissists are pathological liars, and of course, you’ve learned to take anything they say with a grain of salt, right? With good reason. But if you tell them that you don’t believe them, watch out. They can’t stand it. If you want to avoid drama, don’t bother pointing out their lies. Not only will they never admit the truth, but you can use this to your advantage if necessary. For example, let’s say you find out they’re cheating and you confront them. Obviously, they’re going to deny it, even if you actually caught them in the act, and you’re letting them know that you have proof
As infuriating as this will be, you have to pretend to believe them. Yeah, that’s right. Go ahead and let them lie. They will assume you believe them, and since they also have a tendency to underestimate you, they’re going to get a little sloppy when they think they’ve got you snowed. So this is going to allow you to do what you need to do to deal with the situation, which in this case, I hope means you’re going to be getting your ducks in a row so that you can leave them for cheating on you without having to deal with the drama.
7:. “Goodbye.”
This is the ultimate way to destroy a narcissist. See, they need narcissistic supply to function like a vampire needs blood and darkness to live. If you’re one of their sources of narcissistic supply, they cannot stand the idea of not having you around to dump their emotional garbage on, not to mention giving them the attention, praise, and admiration that they so desperately need. If you say goodbye and you leave, and then you go no contact and stick with it, they will at least temporarily be destroyed. Of course, they’ll also use narcissistic injury here as a way to gain attention from other people and often find a new source of supply. They play the poor me game. They engage in various smear campaigns about you with anyone who will listen.
But if you hold out and you use the grey rock method, as in don’t react emotionally, or you just remain fully no contact and don’t react at all, they’ll eventually move on and stop torturing you. As difficult as this can feel, it is ultimately the best outcome of a relationship with a toxic narcissist.
But the bottom line is, remember that in the end, while you can certainly destroy a narcissist using words such as the ones I shared today, the very best revenge you could get on any narcissist truly is to simply live your life well without them. To find true happiness and peace in your life despite the fact that they exist. Not only with learning that you’re happy without them and living like they don’t exist, destroy a narcissist, but it would make them feel like you’ve kind of won the relationship. Not that you need a trophy like that, but you do deserve to be happy and not live in fear of triggering the next episode of narcissistic rage or injury. No one should have to live like this. Walking on eggshells is both difficult and painful, and they can change you in some very profound ways
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