THREE DISGUSTING THINGS A NARCISSIST DOES TO APPEAR GOOD.
By: Khalif Barkhadle
Digital Journalist
Published On: 8th September 2024
Can you imagine a narcissist being transparent with you or admitting their wrongdoings? No, of course not. Why? Because most of them don’t do any of that. Most narcissists are extremely rigid in their outlook and never take responsibility for their actions. Transparency is an alien concept to them.
But what if I told you that some covert narcissists can be transparent and admit their wrongdoings—being very specific about what they did wrong—only to appear good in other people’s eyes? What if I told you there are predators out there who know exactly what to do, how to act, and what to say to fool you into thinking you’re dealing with a normal person? Let’s explore this further in today’s episode.
Number One: Selective Transparency or Weaponized Integrity
There will be times when a covert narcissist is transparent about their actions, confusing you into thinking, “Maybe they’re not a bad person, because bad people lie, and this person is confessing their wrongdoing with what seems like guilt.”
This is what I call selective transparency or weaponized integrity. Sometimes, they will show integrity, but you need to understand: you either have integrity, or you don’t. It’s not something you can turn on and off like a switch. If someone only displays integrity in certain situations and not in others, it means they don’t truly have it at all.
A covert narcissist knows exactly when to be transparent and when to show integrity in order to fool others into thinking they are a person of good character.
Example: You’re dealing with a covert narcissist who isolates you from your best friend, the person you rely on for support. They do this out of jealousy, and eventually, you discover they blocked your friend’s number on your phone without your consent. They haven’t been picking up calls from your friend either. When you confront them, they don’t deny it or gaslight you into thinking you’re crazy. Instead, they say, “Yes, I did that. I blocked them because I wanted to protect you. That friend isn’t good for you or our relationship.”
This is weaponized transparency. By admitting to their actions, they manipulate you into believing they had good intentions, making you question your own judgment.
Number Two: Admitting Wrongdoing as a Manipulation Tactic
This is almost unheard of—narcissists don’t usually admit their wrongdoings. But a covert narcissist will, especially when they feel threatened by the possibility of losing their source of supply. They won’t give you a vague apology like, “I’m sorry for everything.” Instead, they will detail exactly what they did wrong, such as, “I lied to you on this occasion. I cheated on you with this person.”
Though this admission of wrongdoing may seem like a breakthrough, it’s actually a manipulation tactic. After acknowledging their mistakes and getting you back, their behaviour quickly reverts. Within a short period, they’ll say, “You forgave me, so why can’t you just move on? This is who I am.” They’ll promise to work on themselves or the relationship, but it’s a false hope. Soon, you’ll see the same destructive behaviour, only worse.
Number Three: Financial Manipulation
Narcissists are typically stingy with money. They hate spending on their supply and often interrogate you about small expenses. However, a covert narcissist may be different. They might give you access to a lot of money, buy you a car or a house, and provide anything you ask for. It may seem generous, but this is transactional.
Let’s say they give you a large sum of money. Soon, they’ll expect something in return—whether it’s free labour or turning a blind eye to their unacceptable behaviour, such as cheating. When you try to hold them accountable, they’ll remind you of their “generosity”: “If I didn’t love you, why would I give you so much money?”
This is financial abuse. Financial manipulation isn’t just about withholding money—it’s also about giving it in excess to gain control and power.
That’s all for the article. I hope you liked it. I enjoy writing it for you. This is Barkhadle. Remember, you’re never alone.
Thank you for taking the time to read this piece.
I hope you found my article informative and helpful
Please let me know your thoughts on this article.
Feel free to highlight and comment on the parts of these article that resonated with you the most.
Your encouragement really keeps me going.
Get early access to my articles before I post them anywhere else.
If you’d like to stay updated whenever I share something new on Medium, you can sign up to receive email notifications. By doing so, you’ll never miss out on any of my latest articles on Medium.
Your support enables me to continue my work with gratitude.
God bless you all my reasers , love you all, and take care!
Thanks 🙏
Sharing is caring!
