WHAT A NARCISSIST HOPES WHEN YOU GO NO CONTACT.

When you first go, no contact, the narcissist is pretty sure you’ll cave. They’re betting on your empathy, your guilt, and your need for closure. They think they’ve got you figured out, and they also think you’re incapable of living without them. This is why it’s so common for a narcissist to remain silent at first. They might think all they have to do is wait for you to come crawling back. And if you don’t? Well, that’s when the game of cat and mouse begins. But it doesn’t deliver the punch you think it does. That is until they finally realize they’re losing the game.

You see, the cat rather enjoys toying with the mouse and isn’t worried for a second about losing its prey. And it’s all fun and games until the mouse actually escapes. This moment with the narcissist will be different for each person and situation, but you’ll see a sense of desperation set in when they realize they’re losing control. Without control, they feel invisible and insignificant.

But don’t think they’ll give up easily. Narcissists have a whole bag of tricks for when you go no contact. In the next few minutes, we’ll uncover some of their sneakiest strategies.

#1. Charm.

The charm offensive: it’s the narcissist’s opening act. It’s like they’ve suddenly remembered all your favourite things about them, and they’ll turn on the charisma like a faucet, full blast. You might get random texts with inside jokes or sentimental pictures, or they’ll accidentally run into you in what I call the chance encounter. This isn’t quite the love bombing you saw at the start; it’s more subtle and more calculated. They’re not trying to sweep you off your feet; they’re aiming for nostalgia. They want you to doubt your decision to cut them off, to think maybe they’ve changed. Or maybe, you know what, maybe I’m overreacting, maybe it wasn’t so bad.
But here’s the sad reality: this charm is about as shallow as a puddle. It’s all surface and no substance. They haven’t changed; they’re just putting on their best mask, hoping you’ll fall for it one more time.

And if charm doesn’t work, no worries, they’ve got other tricks up their sleeve. And at this point, just remember, it’s a game of cat and mouse. They don’t actually believe they’ve lost yet, and they might even be enjoying the chase.

#2. The bait of closure.

If the charm doesn’t come out first, you might even be on the receiving end of the bait of closure. So, just when you think you’re free, they’ll dangle this carrot. It might sound something like, ‘I think we both deserve closure,’ or maybe, ‘You know what, I owe you an explanation.’ And it sounds reasonable, even mature. But don’t be fooled. This isn’t about giving you peace of mind; it’s about cracking open the door you’ve shut. And you think they’re offering answers to all the things you’ve been craving. But here’s the catch: with a narcissist, real closure is as rare as a unicorn. That heartfelt conversation you’re imagining? It’s a mirage. And what’s behind door number one is nothing more than another chance to mess with your head.

So they might admit some minor faults just to seem sincere, but it’s all part of the script. They’re probing for weak spots, looking for ways to worm their way back into your life. And yes, part of you might want to take the bait. That’s normal; we’re hardwired to seek resolution. But with these masters of manipulation, that resolution will always be just out of reach. So it’s really important to acknowledge and understand that real, true closure has to come from within. It’s about accepting what happened and choosing to move forward. You don’t need their permission or their explanation to heal. So when they come knocking with promises of closure, see it for what it is: another manipulation tactic. Maintain your silence.

#3. The best life charade.

This is where they put on a show of thriving without you, but with a twist. Suddenly, they’re living it up on social media. They’re the picture of happiness, and often with a shiny new partner in tow. But don’t be fooled; this isn’t about moving on. It’s a little bit about filling that supply gap, and it’s also a lot about getting under your skin.

So how can you tell that the second part is true? Well, you might notice that they’ve magically transformed into the exact person you’ve always wanted them to be. Remember that dream vacation you begged them to take? Well, look at them; they’re there right now with their new supply. That hobby you wished they’d share? Suddenly, they’re experts. It’s kind of like they’ve stolen your wishlist and are ticking off items one by one. And they’re making sure you know about it through mutual friends or accidental run-ins. This isn’t a coincidence; it’s calculated. They’re planting these triggers, hoping you’ll react. They want you to reach out, to question, to show you still care. It’s all part of their game to pull you back in.

But it’s all smoke and mirrors. That perfect life is as fake as their promises to change. They haven’t suddenly become a better person overnight; they’ve just temporarily become better at pretending. So remember, this is just another tactic. When you see this on social media, don’t take the bait. They’re still the same person who couldn’t meet your needs before. Don’t let this carefully crafted illusion make you doubt your decision to go no contact. Your peace is worth so much more than their performance. Protect your peace at all costs, people.

#4. Silent sabotage.

Here’s how a narcissist might use this tactic when you go no contact. This tactic, the silent sabotage, is the narcissist’s stealth missile. They’re not coming at you directly; they’re undermining you from the shadows. Think of it as whisper campaigns and subtle smear tactics. They might spread little seeds of doubt about you to mutual friends or family. You won’t hear it from them, but suddenly everyone’s asking if you’re okay, or if you’re doing alright. Or maybe they’re playing the victim, sharing how hurt they are by your sudden decision. This isn’t about clearing their name; it’s about muddying yours. They want to isolate you and make you doubt yourself. They’re hoping you’ll come running back just to set the record straight.

This is the trap, and you might be tempted at this point. But responding is exactly what they want; it gives them an opening, a way back in. Remember, they’re playing the long game here. They don’t need you to come back right away; they just need to keep you engaged. And if silent sabotage doesn’t work, don’t worry. They’re just getting started. At this stage, it’s still a game to them. They’re testing the waters, seeing what gets a reaction. So stay strong, stay silent, and watch their tactics evolve

#5. The pity party.

The pity party is the narcissist’s way of pushing your buttons without getting their hands dirty. The goal is to either play on your empathy or on other people’s. Because even if you see right through their act, if they can get other people to feel sorry for them, you look like the bad guy.

You might hear things like, ‘Oh, did you know so-and-so is going through such a tough time?’ Or they mentioned how much they miss you. All of this, it’s all carefully crafted to tug at your heartstrings or to spark your curiosity. They might even pull the high road act. Suddenly, they’re telling everyone how they respect your decision and just want you to be happy. But it’s all part of their game. If they truly respected your decision, they wouldn’t continually talk about it to other people. They wouldn’t bring it up in conversation and act like they’re hurt.

But what they’re doing is they’re hoping this psychology will make you second-guess yourself, or at the very least, make you angry enough to call them on their BS. But it helps to look at it this way: every message, every coincidental update about their life, it’s bait. They’re fishing for a response, any response. Even your anger or frustration is a win for them because it means that they still have some control over your emotions; they can still pull your strings. But again, this is not about reconciliation or growth. Especially if you’ve been through this before, you know they haven’t changed; they’ve just changed tactics.

6. Guilt-tripping and emotional blackmail.

Think of it this way: they’re not just tugging at your heartstrings now. They’re trying to tie you up with them. And this is where things get really manipulative. Suddenly, everyone’s worried about their mental health or physical well-being. Or maybe they’ll go the family route: “How can you do this to your children, your parents, your siblings?” They’ll paint you as the villain who’s tearing the family or the friend group apart. Never mind that they’re the ones spreading this narrative. And here’s the worst part: they’re banking on your empathy and your kindness—all those traits they used to exploit. Now they’re using them to try to drag you back in.

But if you’re starting to cave here, remember that you are not responsible for their emotions or their actions. This is nothing more than another cruel tactic designed to make you abandon your boundaries.

7. The all-out smear campaign.

When all else fails, they’ll try to burn your reputation to the ground. Suddenly, you’re the villain in their story. They’ll paint you as manipulative, unstable, and even abusive. And guess what? They might even throw around the word “narcissist.” It’s a twisted form of projection. They’ll accuse you of doing the exact same things they’ve done to you. They’ll rewrite your entire history, casting themselves as the long-suffering victim. They may even reach out to your friends, family, or even colleagues. No one is off limits in their quest to discredit you. They might share private information or twisted versions of your interactions.

And here’s the really messed up part: some people will believe them. The narcissist can be incredibly convincing when they’re in full-on victim mode. They’ve had a lifetime of practice, after all. But here’s what you need to remember: this isn’t about truth; it’s about control. They’re trying to isolate you, to make you doubt yourself. They want you to come running back just to defend yourself. Don’t fall for it. Your true friends and family will see through the lies, and engaging only gives them more ammunition. Stay silent, stay strong, and let your actions speak for themselves. Stand in your own integrity.

This smear campaign is often their last resort. And if this doesn’t work, they might finally realize they’ve lost control. But be prepared: some narcissists will cycle through these tactics over and over. So your best defence is to maintain no contact and focus on your own healing because that right there is when you become too strong for the narcissist. And if you want to know what happens then.


Khalif Barkhadle
https://barkhadlekhalif.medium.com