When Narcissists Don’t Hoover: The Secret They Don’t Want You to Know

By: Khalif Barkhadle,
Digital Journalist

Published On:18th March 2024

Dealing with a narcissist is often a bewildering experience, following a predictable yet disturbing cycle: idealization, devaluation, and the inevitable hoovering. The term “hoover” refers to a narcissist’s desperate attempt to pull you back into their orbit, a classic manoeuvre to replenish their emotional fuel and keep you entangled in their manipulative games. But what happens when the narcissist doesn’t hoover? Not because they’ve moved on, but because they’re ashamed?

Imagine this: you’ve ridden the rollercoaster of narcissistic love—dizzying highs of adoration followed by the crushing lows of calculated cruelty. The narcissist has used charm like a weapon, leaving you emotionally bruised and bewildered. Yet, when you expect the familiar hoover, instead, you’re met with silence. They’re not trying to lure you back; they’re actively avoiding you. This isn’t indifference—it’s shame, a powerful force even in the narcissist’s carefully constructed world

Let’s explore this perplexing phenomenon, examining why some narcissists choose avoidance over familiar manipulation tactics. We’ll also look into how their deeply buried guilt, which they try so hard to conceal, dictates their behaviour.

Understanding When Narcissists Don’t Hoover: The Secret They Don’t Want You to Know